Romantic relationships can be extremely difficult to maintain. Why? Because they have more intimacy involved than any other relationship. According to life coach Kali Rogers, “The amount of closeness — emotional, physical, spiritual, and even mental — that is in a relationship is overwhelming to handle at times.“ Yes, relationships are definitely hard and take a lot of dedication and effort from both sides in order to work.
One of the major misconceptions when it comes to relationships is that 50/50 is the way to go. This couldn’t be farther from the truth though! Read on to learn why.
A YourTango article focused on a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology of “millennials”, the people born between the 80s and mid-90s. The authors described millennials as “generation me” because of the high levels of introspection and self-focus. This generation is seen to give much more attention to the self than to the group, community, and the society.
“Young people have been consistently taught to put their own needs first and to focus on feeling good about themselves,” says Jean M. Twenge, professor at San Diego State University.
Having a high sense of self-worth and personal value is generally a good thing because it allows us to be confident. To believe in ourselves. To take more chances. To pursue our goals. The problem is that high self-esteem has created a society of narcissists who have quite an unrealistic viewpoint.
The same sense can later reflect into their love life as they chase characteristics that are rarely found in one individual. Some of them learn the lesson the hard way. The jury is on this generation and their ability to put their selfish needs aside and focus on the things that really matter when it comes to a successful marriage.
“The problem with holding up fairness and equality as the main measuring sticks for a good marriage is that it turns what should be a partnership into a contest. Scorekeeping soon becomes the major pastime of the relationship,” says Scott Means, author of the YourTango article.
“Unfortunately, when you constantly fight for your part of the marital pie, pushing for your rights, agendas, fair share and expectations, you end up hurting your marriage. Even if you win, you actually lose. You lose intimacy in your relationship. You lose the joy of giving freely to another. You lose the delight found in simply delighting the one you love. You lose the atmosphere of respect and honor in your marriage.” he continues.
Being honest, acting with integrity, and taking the needs of your partner into consideration is the key. If you fight over every detail you disagree about, you will face lots of tension along the way, regardless of the chemistry between you two, your financial status, or the education you have.
A successful marriage is about making hundreds of tiny decisions daily with a minimum amount of conflict!